Inside a Mom’s Brain at Night

Oh, bed! How I have missed you. It’s been 17 busy, busy hours since we’ve been together. It feels so good to lie down!

I am soooo tired.

Did I take the meat out for supper tomorrow night? Uh, wait, we have no meat for supper tomorrow night. Great. Just great. And skating goes until 6. That’s a problem.

Why don’t I do a better job of meal planning? Gosh, I can’t stand meal planning.

Ok, you can’t fix that now, so just go to sleep.

I am sooo tired.

Why haven’t I organized my linen closet since we moved into this house five years ago? It’s filled with stuff I don’t use. I need to get on that.

Don’t even think about the basement. No, I mean it. Don’t think about the basement. Or the driveway that needs to be fixed. Or the garage door that is rotted at the bottom.

Think about something happy, like Christmas.

OMG, Christmas. Only 73 days until Christmas. That’s only 10 weekends. Only six weekends until Alberta packages have to be mailed.

OMG. OMG. OMG.

I’ve got to get to sleep. Run Club in the morning.

Take several deep breaths and count slowly to ten. Clear your mind.

I have to pee.

Just don’t think about peeing. Go to sleep. You need to go to sleep NOW.

Who the heck will buy all those Girl Guide cookies we have to sell? I wonder if there are any left on the kitchen counter? I really must try that mini-cheesecake recipe that uses the mint cookies as crusts.

Okay, I’m visualizing a beach, and all I can hear are the waves and the breeze blowing through the palm trees. I can feel the warm sun on my shoulders.

I really need a new bathing suit. I hate shopping for a bathing suit.

STOP THINKING ABOUT THE GIRL GUIDE COOKIES WAITING TO BE EATEN ON THE COUNTER.

Did the girls do their homework? When are hot lunch orders due? What day is this? We all need to get our flu shots.

Oh, cripes, the Oldest is going to a birthday party tomorrow and we haven’t bought the present yet. What can I buy without driving to Saint John? There are gift cards at Shoppers. What 11-year-old girl wouldn’t like a Home Depot gift card? The Keg card?

I can’t believe my eight-year-old asked me about sex today. S.E.X. What if I scarred her for life by answering truthfully? Is it better to fudge the truth to an eight-year-old or answer her questions? Doesn’t matter now because you’ve gone and told her how the sperm meets the egg. How can I prevent both my girls from having sex until they are 30? There’s got to be a way.

I am sooo tired. Go to sleep!

Why am I awake and the Hubster isn’t? How does he fall asleep the minute his head hits the pillow? That’s just not fair.

GO TO SLEEP. There’s no reason for you to be awake in the middle of the night. You aren’t breastfeeding. No one is sick. You’ve got five whole hours to rest until Run Club.

Only five hours??!!

Man, I am going to be sooo tired tomorrow.

Li’l Girl Talk

“You and Daddy did that TWICE?” says The Youngest, age 8, astonished, when I tell her how the sperm meets the egg.

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