Confessions of a Soccer Mom

Confession of a soccer mom: I will do cartwheels of happiness when the season ends next week.

ANGEL MOM VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD: Gasp! I can’t believe you just wrote that! How can you possibly rejoice when a healthy activity loved by your two daughters is over? Shame!

DEVIL MOM VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD: Break out the chardonnay, baby! Your four-times per week of soccer stress are over for another year. You have two blissful activity-free weeks before school starts during which you can sit on the deck and sip wine after supper instead of rushing to soccer with a handful of almonds for your meal.

Both my daughters have played soccer for the past several years; both love it. But at the beginning of every season, I get a serious case of soccer angst, which is perpetuated by duelling voices in my head.

DEVIL MOM VOICE: For the love of Pete, who decided soccer should start at 5:45 p.m.? Do they not have kids who need to eat supper? Do they not work? How are parents supposed to get home from work, get the kids fed and to soccer by five-freaking-forty-five?!

ANGEL MOM VOICE:  Oh, stop being so whiny about your first-world problems. It just takes a little planning. If you were a better mother, you’d have more meals cooked in advance and their uniforms cleaned and laid out for them to wear. Just try a little harder.

DEVIL MOM VOICE: Try a little harder? Give yourself a break. Why are you signing the kids up for an activity that takes place four times per week at supper time IN THE SUMMER? Isn’t summer a time for relaxing and no suppertime deadlines?

ANGEL MOM VOICE: Your girls love soccer! Encourage it! It’s great exercise for them, and it’s teaching them about teamwork and sportsmanship. Stop complaining about taking your kids to an activity they love; that’s what parents do.

DEVIL MOM VOICE: Then again, going to soccer does allow you to catch up on news with the other soccer moms.

ANGEL MOM VOICE: Are you telling me you go to soccer to gossip and not to watch your daughters progress in their sport? Your girls will be grown before you know it, and you will long for the days when you could watch them run around a soccer field with their little feet and enthusiastic attitudes.

DEVIL MOM VOICE:  Enough with the guilt pudding, sweetheart. So, you missed your daughter scoring a goal because you were chatting about the annoying construction on the street near our house. You work alone all day at home with your dog. I’ve seen you talk to her. You seriously need this social time with other humans. Guilt is toxic and at least you don’t smoke crack.

REAL ME VOICE: Alright, that’s enough. I’ve had it with the duelling voices. Sometimes I love soccer. Sometimes I pray to the Lord for rain on soccer nights. The hubster and I did the best we could. Sometimes the girls wore stinky soccer socks and crammed sandwiches into their mouths as we sped to the field. But we made most of the games and practises. The hubster even coached. The girls learned a ton and had fun. Once we arrived at the field each night, I had fun too.

But soon it will be over. And I will be cartwheeling my way to the wine section of the liquor store!

Li’l Girl Talk

“Mommy, I’m glad I am not going commando,” says The Youngest, age 7.



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